It’s not easy to stay out of the future.
I live a lot of my life there. I don’t know that it’s bad, but there is this universal approval of ideas like, “be in the present moment”, and, “don’t put off living for some future date”. Those platitudes sound right and put the tiniest weight of guilt on my forward tilt. I’ve learned guilt is rarely a good road map unless backed by clear reason. Still, it does seem weird to be always pushing, thinking, dreaming, and building today for some imagined land called tomorrow.
It’s hard to rest. All rest seems like a stop with a purpose – to recharge and regroup for another forward march. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a few purposeless moments, outside of time. The arrow of time runs always on, left to right, and drives most of my excitement and lust for life. Stillness, unless deliberately practiced as a way to make me a better forward moving vehicle, feels like stagnation.
Does the relentless, Crusoe-like desire to add on to one’s present options set with ceaseless improvements indicate something about the nature of reality? Does the magnetic sojourn into the not-yet place we build in our imaginations mean we are hard-wired for something eternal?
I suppose it doesn’t have to. It sure feels like it does. It’s hard to imagine all this forward-facing energy coming to an abrupt end in tandem with my bones and sinews. Where is the arrow trying to fly?
This of course brings up the equally baffling question of from where the arrow came and what gave it thrust. Is it accelerating, decelerating, or remaining constant like a geosynchronous satellite?
Even when I am in the moment, the thing that gives it that intoxicating flow is the fact that the moment is movement. It is the process of overcoming a struggle towards some happily anticipated future probability.
It’s hard for me to imagine that I’ll ever be done. The thought of ever unfolding creation gives me comfort and, paradoxically, energy when I’m tired.
Things got a little mystical there didn’t they? Must be this yoga music.
Back to my bowl of cereal…and whatever comes next.