“Hey, could you share our podcast interview on Twitter? I drafted a Tweet for you with a clip I took from the show.”
That’s a thoughtful, respectful gesture.
Contrast that to, “Hey, can you promote our episode?”
Annoying, taxing, and presumptuous.
Asking people for open-ended action puts a ton of work on their plate. Even if the action of Tweeting is small, the existential overhead of needing to interrupt mental flow to formulate what to say isn’t. Judgement and decision-making consume a lot of brain calories.
When you make it easy by taking out all the guesswork, it shows respect.
A lot of people feel weird doing this. Their instinct is to leave everything up to the other person, because it seems more deferential, and therefore, respectful. Or they hit them with a raft of options. Both are sub-optimal.
Here are some common examples.
Example 1:
“Thanks to joining the event! You can book whatever hotel you want nearby.”
Open-ended and unhelpful. The recipient has to take on too much search cost.
Example 2:
“Thanks for joining the event! Below is a list of ten different hotels in walking distance. I’ve also provided a link to a review site where you can compare them. Some have airport shuttles, so you may want to consider that. I don’t know if you’re staying for the whole event, but feel free to book extra nights and we will cover. You can either send booking info to me for payment, or pay yourself and be reimbursed.”
Over-detailed and unhelpful. The recipient has to take on the time cost of reading and making sense of it, and the decision-making cost of choosing multiple things from a wall of options.
Example 3
“Thanks for joining the event! I’ve booked you a room at the Grand Hotel where most of the speakers are staying. Info attached.”
Incredibly helpful. Stress-relieving, no work to be done, info can be archived for later if needed.
What about when making things easy is the wrong move?
I was trying to think of times when making it easy is not the right move.
The first thing I thought of was my kids. Sometimes I do the legwork to make things easy and they are annoyed and offended.
“Dad! I get it! You don’t have to gas up and start the weed-whacker for me!”
These moments seem to be when my actions make them feel like I do not trust them, or think them incapable or inferior. Making things easy isn’t always best.
So which situations call for making things easy on the other party out of respect for their time and which call for throwing them in the deep end out of respect for their ability?
It’s not a perfect heuristic, but roughly: The party with the lower opportunity cost should take on the brunt of the work.
Kids or entry-level employees feel patronized when a parent or boss makes things easy (except maybe in first-time training) because they implicitly know that the value of other things that person could be doing is higher. For them to take time to write their email for them or start the trimmer is kind of a slap in the face. It’s feels like they’re saying, “I’ve got to delay my important work just to teach you idiots how to do your job.”
They may be intending nothing of the sort, but the higher-opportunity cost party needs to recognize the desire to be trusted and respected by the lower opportunity cost party.
Similarly, when you don’t make things easy on someone with higher opportunity cost (or at least higher in the specific domain of the activity), you signal incompetence and/or lack of respect for the value of their time.