I have always been an extrovert.
I’ve taken so many personality tests. Every time I take Meyers-Briggs I get ENTJ.
Still, over the years I have grown more and more fond of time alone and more and more tired by time around people. In fact, I do not look forward to calls, meetings, podcasts, media appearances, or talks. Right up until they begin, I feel like I’d rather not do them and instead read or write or work alone.
But then the lights go on, or the call begins, and a switch is flipped. For the duration of the social interaction, I’m totally into it, feeling the flow, energized. I love it. Until it ends.
As soon as it’s done I’m tired and want to be alone again.
This wasn’t always the case. I was the kid, teen, and 20-something who always wanted to be where the action was. Somehow in the last decade I’ve become this strongly bifurcated person who feels introverted as the resting default state but flips to my inner extrovert as soon as the action starts.
I wonder if part of it is because I’m now aware that I talk too much, and I’m always trying to reign it in. Since I pretty much always fail to do so, maybe I prefer to avoid situations where I know I’ll get too verbally energetic.
Regardless, being aware of this Jekyll-Hyde is kind of relaxing.