I’ve given up on my ability to fully control the chaos even of my own household. I’m type A. My desk is always immaculate, and if there is an object on it, it is perfectly perpendicular to the sides of the desk. I adjust frequently to ensure this.
But I live in a house with a wife and four kids, from very young to teenage. So far, I’m the only type A in the house. If I want peace, I cannot also demand complete order. I’ve tried, and it’s not worth the cost.
My tendency as an all-or-nothing person is to just let everything go except the few things, like my desk, over which I have complete control. It’s so hard for me to bring some order to bear, while not being able to really do it the way I think it should be. So I’m a bit too hands off. It keeps me from losing my mind.
But from time to time, I realize I need to find some kind of compromise – to bring some, but not too much of my type A to bear. What seems to work better than, say, bringing partial order to the whole house, is picking a few pockets of complete order. If the dishes are always done and put away, the beds always made, and the shoes always in the basket, for example. It’s easier for me to maintain and help them maintain these few pockets of order than it would be to try to keep semi order over every part of the house. Leave the junk drawer alone. Leave the corner of the basement alone. A few pockets of chaos. Some pockets of order. And the main part of the house sort of stays good enough without major fighting.
It’s a constant dance, and like the economy, never in the theoretical equilibrium of the models.