My wife makes delicious meals almost every night. She insists that it’s not out of her desire to please and care for her family with quality food as much as her own desire for something tasty.
I believe her. Not because I think she is a bad or selfish person. But because I know from personal experience that, no matter how good I try to be, my own interest is a better driver of behavior than anyone else’s.
One of the best ways to have harmonious relationships is to align your interests with those of the other person. That way, you don’t have to rely on either of your goodwill too much. If the other person acting in the way they want to act anyway is also what you would like, it will be an easy relationship. If they have to practice tremendous self-control and discipline and become a much different person than they are to keep things copacetic, you’re likely in for a lot of pain.
This doesn’t mean people can’t or shouldn’t change or improve or work on good habits and discipline. It means you need to be honest about yourself and others, and know what you really want and are likely to do when push comes to shove. If doing what comes easiest to you, and the other person doing what comes easiest to them, still leads to an acceptable outcome, you’re in a pretty solid spot.
It’s about recognizing your own and others weaknesses and tendencies and trying to put yourself in fewer positions that require you to be your very best. King David might’ve avoided adultery and murder had he led his men to battle instead of staying behind with all the women. It wasn’t just about lack of self control in the moment. It was also about allowing himself to be in a moment that demanded so much self control in the first place.
So if you want a wife that cooks great meals for your family, your best bet is to find a woman who loves to do that for her own enjoyment already.